Cravings

What do you crave for? Is it love? Money? Happiness? Pain? There are too many answers for that question. But what if you don’t understand what you crave? Like it isn’t real to you, but you can feel that you crave it deep down in your soul.

    My soul craves many things, such as love and happiness. I crave for both, but can’t feel either of them. Looking at the world with dead eyes can make it impossible for you to search for it. You work hard to provide happiness, and a bit is given back. That little bit that’s given back, will not be enough to satisfy your craving. Love is a very harsh craving to have, because it’s so hard to find the kind of love that will satisfy your craving. Love can be a craving for many different reasons; for a relationship, friendship, or family. You never know what you truly crave. You’ll sleep with many to try and fill the void, but sometimes that doesn’t work. You work hard to have a group of friends, but they may not be the type of crowd you were hoping to attract. You work hard to please your family, but they never seem impressed.Cravings are very dangerous to have.

    I don’t know what I crave honestly. I crave to be loved, but I’m afraid that I’ll never find the right kind. It makes me hesitate on what I really want. I crave love in so many ways, so that I’ll never be abandoned. I crave to never be alone, but I always am. I crave to be happy, but it is hard to smile everyday when your mentality is a living hell. I imagine things that are yet to ever happen, or too much of what has already happened. I know it’s bad, I know it is, but it is hard to change yourself after being used to it for so long. The world is a lonely place, a place that my eyes can’t even appreciate. My eyes are always glossy with sadness, and dull from pain. I can’t focus on anything at times, sometimes just stuck in my thoughts to the point where everything else disappears. How do I live like this? It’s easy but also difficult. I crave so much, but also feel numb towards them. I want to love someone, to touch someone and make them the light of my life, but I am terrified to let another soul into my corrupted world. When the first soul you let in fucked you up, how can you trust another soul to come in and fix you? It’s a craving sure, but any human is strong enough to fight a craving….